Thanksgiving 2015 Thoughts

I am alone, this Thanksgiving Day. It is not the first Thanksgiving Day I have spent alone, but it is the first Thanksgiving Day I am content to be alone, to enjoy the opportunity for quiet contemplation, to do whatever I want to do, without having to consider what others would want to do, and to pray to my Heavenly Father as he would most like me to pray, "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:5)

Today, I am not envious of those who are surrounded by loved ones. Today, I am not weeping and crying, in a deep depression, because I feel so completely alone. Today, I am happy, grateful, and feeling truly blessed. In the days leading up to today, similar to previous years, friends have asked me if I "have somewhere to go" for Thanksgiving or "someone to be with." As in previous years, I have said no, and, when asked to join the person inquiring, I have respectfully declined. What's different this year is that I don't feel the need to provide a reason for my answer.

Having experienced varying scenarios of Thanksgiving, over the years, I'd like to share some advice for those who are considering sharing their Thanksgiving celebration with someone outside their family:

Extend the invitation early, and intentionally.

When I receive an invitation from someone at church, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, it tends to come across as an afterthought. I'm much more inclined to accept an invitation, if it comes in the mail, if it comes from everyone in the family, or if I get a phone call (preferably right after Halloween) the sole purpose of which is the invitation.

Always accept the first response, but make it clear the invitation is longstanding.

Being asked to spend Thanksgiving with anyone I don't know very well usually gets me feeling a bit awkward; I start thinking, "Why are they asking me?" and I initially don't want to accept. However, if those extending the invitation display a genuine interest in wanting me involved in their gathering, and give me time to think about it, my awkwardness subsides, and I'm relieved that I can make a thoughtful decision. An open invitation also helps me to not feel awkward or embarrassed, if something suddenly comes together with my own family (none of whom are nearby).

LISTEN and be SENSITIVE!

I think this is the most important point about including a single person, particularly if the person you're inviting is older than you. One year, a young mother asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I said I was fixing turkey and dressing, and looking for someone to share it with. She then asked if I would like to come to her house for Thanksgiving. I asked if I could bring my turkey. Her response was that the company her husband works for gives them a free turkey every year, so, no, I don't need to bring anything. She added that another family was going to be there. I almost couldn't say no fast enough. If you're not understanding why this invitation was off-putting for me, here's how I interpreted what she said:

• She called me up a few days before Thanksgiving, so it seemed like an afterthought. It also seemed like she was thinking that no one should spend Thanksgiving alone, and maybe she felt sorry for me, because I was going to be alone.
• She had obviously invited another family long before she thought of me, another indication that I might have been an afterthought or pity invitation.
• This woman was aware that I love to cook for others, before she invited me. Even though I offered to bring something, she insisted that I not bring anything. This was hugely insulting to me. She had not yet prepared her free turkey and could have easily frozen it for use later, or given it to a needy family. What this said to me is that she is not willing to give something up to make someone else happy; that is not someone with whom I'm interested in spending time.

Now, I have no idea what this woman was thinking, nor will I ever know her intentions. She's a good Christian woman who cares for those who are less fortunate, but, like many, many others, she hasn't had the experience of being alone on Thanksgiving, so she doesn't know what it feels like. She can only relate to my experience through her imagination. The point of this post is to help those of you who have never lived alone, or have forgotten what it's like, to understand the perspective of a person currently living alone.

Consider taking the celebration somewhere else.

The way I see it, if you want to improve the welfare of another person, it's important to put the other person's welfare before your own. Perhaps you're thinking of inviting a single person, or an older couple to your Thanksgiving feast. Do your homework, first. Nearly every single person I know has trouble "getting out." When we're invited somewhere, unless it's all about us, it's so easy to send a text a few hours before the event, indicating we don't feel well enough to go, or something else has come up. Single folks have been doing this to me, for years. If you sense any hesitancy in a yes response, ask if it would be okay if you brought Thanksgiving to the person's home. Also, every nursing home has at least one resident who has no family, and every nursing home serves a Thanksgiving meal. Think about spending Thanksgiving at a nursing home, ordering enough meals for your family, and arranging to sit with a resident who would otherwise be watching other residents celebrating with their families.

I leave you with the following quote:

Thomas S. Monson

We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.

Quote found in A Future as Bright as Your Faith

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Teah

Celebrating Easter and General Conference 2015

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds "General Conference" twice a year, the first weekend of April and the first weekend of October. Actually, General Conference officially begins the last Saturday of March and September, with the General Women's Session. Then, the first Saturday of April and October, there are three sessions of conference, and two sessions on the first Sunday of each month. Each session is two hours. Aside from about 15 minutes spent on auditing and statistical reports, and about 5 minutes spent sustaining Church officers, done during the second Saturday session, each session is filled with words and music to help those watching and listening grow in faith and knowledge of the Gospel, while learning how to cope in the growing chaos prevalent in the world today. 

When I joined the Church in 2002, I had DISH Network and watched conference on BYU-TV. Those who didn't have access to BYU-TV had to go to a meetinghouse to watch the satellite broadcast. (Many meetinghouses have a satellite dish specifically for the purpose of receiving the general conference broadcast.) Today, it's streaming online, at lds.org, you can still watch it on BYU-TV, which is also available as a streaming app on Roku, and you can always go to a meetinghouse to watch. I usually watch it at home. I get comfortable in my big recliner, with my General Conference journal in hand, and absorb all the wonderful talks. I have the capability of pausing and rewinding, to make sure I write down exactly what is said, so that I can go back and review later, make notes, and bask in the truthfulness of the spirit-filled talks that pour from my TV.

Like most Church members, I have my favorite conference speakers. My first favorite was Elder Dallin H. Oaks. Over the years, there were other speakers I began to look forward to hearing: President Gordon B. Hinckley; President Thomas S. Monson; Elder Richard G. Scott; President Dieter F. Uchtdorf; and Sister Barbara Thompson.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland is an Apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He became my favorite speaker, in April 2009, when he gave this talk on the Atonement. In 2009, the first Sunday of April was Palm Sunday.

If you don't want to listen to the entire talk, I've pasted here the three paragraphs that touched me to the core:

"Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; emphasis added.)

"The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this. Had He not said to His disciples, 'Behold, the hour … is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me' and 'The Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him'? (John 16:32; 8:29.)

"With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone."

Then, in October 2009, Elder Holland's talk consisted nearly exclusively of his testimony of the truth of the Book of Mormon, expressing why I believe, better than I have been able to.

Again, if you don't want to listen to the talk, read the paragraphs that touched my spirit so deeply that it took my breath away:

"May I refer to a modern “last days” testimony? When Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum started for Carthage to face what they knew would be an imminent martyrdom, Hyrum read these words to comfort the heart of his brother:

'Thou hast been faithful; wherefore … thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.

“'And now I, Moroni, bid farewell … until we shall meet before the judgment-seat of Christ.' (Ether 12:37–38; see also D&C 135:5.)

"A few short verses from the 12th chapter of Ether in the Book of Mormon. Before closing the book, Hyrum turned down the corner of the page from which he had read, marking it as part of the everlasting testimony for which these two brothers were about to die. I hold in my hand that book, the very copy from which Hyrum read, the same corner of the page turned down, still visible. Later, when actually incarcerated in the jail, Joseph the Prophet turned to the guards who held him captive and bore a powerful testimony of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon. (See History of the Church, 6:600.) Shortly thereafter pistol and ball would take the lives of these two testators.

"As one of a thousand elements of my own testimony of the divinity of the Book of Mormon, I submit this as yet one more evidence of its truthfulness. In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?

"Never mind that their wives are about to be widows and their children fatherless. Never mind that their little band of followers will yet be 'houseless, friendless and homeless' and that their children will leave footprints of blood across frozen rivers and an untamed prairie floor. (Joseph Smith, in History of the Church, 4:539.) Never mind that legions will die and other legions live declaring in the four quarters of this earth that they know the Book of Mormon and the Church which espouses it to be true. Disregard all of that, and tell me whether in this hour of death these two men would enter the presence of their Eternal Judge quoting from and finding solace in a book which, if not the very word of God, would brand them as impostors and charlatans until the end of time? They would not do that! They were willing to die rather than deny the divine origin and the eternal truthfulness of the Book of Mormon."

I highly recommend that you listen to these talks, so that you can clearly hear in his voice and see in his expression the intensity of his testimony, to the point that I believe it is difficult to deny that he is speaking truthfully and with conviction. Many years ago, my mother and my husband were arguing about the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I got between them and told my husband that he had no idea about how my mother came to believe what she believes and, thus, was not in a position to tell her that her beliefs were wrong or inadequate. I then told my mother that I would not listen to her opinions and beliefs about the Book of Mormon, until she had read it through, prayerfully and with the intent of discovering whether or not it is true.

I first read the Book of Mormon, the summer after my father passed away, and I believed every word without any doubt. I was quite grounded in my beliefs and read it to see if I could find holes in it to disprove it. I could not. In fact, it boosted my faith and belief in Jesus Christ and his purpose. It also answered questions that I had, growing up in the Southern Baptist Church.

I have a strong testimony that the Book of Mormon is, indeed, true, and it is, as it claims to be, "another testament of Jesus Christ." I testify that, should you decide to read it for yourself, you will be greatly blessed, and the Spirit of God will fill your heart and soul with great joy. If you don't like to read from beginning to end, start with the book of Ether, or 3rd Nephi. Those were my favorite books, the first time I read it through.

Wishing you all a glorious Easter celebration!

Teah

My Dear Miss Pu Chi

My sweet Pu Chi passed away, Friday morning, 2/13/15, at 6:50 a.m. CST. She was my dear companion for nearly 18 years. Our time together ended much like it began, in a shotgun apartment (you can stand at one end and fire a shotgun shell through the entire apartment, without hitting any walls). We connected in August 1997, while I was living in North St. Louis City and working at a major law firm in downtown St. Louis. My son was 14, getting ready to start high school, living with his father. I had a roommate, but he wasn't extremely fond of animals. A legal secretary at the law firm was giving kittens away. Their mother had been put down, and she was desperate to find homes for the babies. Pu Chi was the last one, and the tiniest one. I think I could have held her comfortably in one hand. It was me and her, from the beginning. She would warm up to others, throughout her life, but, bottom line, she was mine, and I was hers.

By the end of August, I had moved into a house, in St. John, a suburb NW of St. Louis, My son moved in with me. For his birthday, my son's girlfriend gave him a puppy, whom he named Cloud. Pu Chi and Cloud were very close in age and grew up together. She enjoyed mothering him. Five years later, I got another kitten, Goku, which presented another opportunity for Pu Chi to show off her mothering talents. Then, Nate got another dog. Pu Chi didn't mother this one. She spent the time necessary to help the other pets in the house to understand that she was the Alpha female. All other animals in the house were to answer to her, and she answered only to me.

In August 2003, my mother and I moved into a house together, in Overland, a suburb west of St. Louis. Nate, who was nearly 21, stayed in the house in St. John. I took the two cats with me. At first, my mother insisted that the cats stay in my living quarters, upstairs. However, once she noticed that I was spending more time in my living quarters than in hers, she agreed to let the cats have the freedom to roam the entire house. I think it was 2008, when I purchased a big comfy recliner for the TV room. I had bought it for my mother, but she didn't care for it. It actually became Pu Chi's chair, with the understanding that she would only use it, when someone was reclining in it. Whoever was reclining in it became her pillow. There were times when she preferred to sit in mother's chair with her, but she always claimed the recliner as hers. When my mother moved to Kentucky to live with my brother, in 2010, I kept Pu Chi and the recliner, as I moved from place to place, before finally settling in a shotgun apartment in Peoria, Illinois.

She left this earth with me as her pillow, on her recliner. She had been in the habit of greeting me at the door, when I came home from work. A few months ago, she was diagnosed with kidney disease. Over the last week or two, I noticed she stopped eating and began to lose weight. I set up a bed for her in the bathroom, by the radiator, the warmest place in our home. When I got home from work, on Thursday, 2/12/15, she did not greet me. I found her in her bed, in the bathroom, unwilling to get up. After getting myself something to eat and getting ready for bed, I picked her up and brought her into the front room, so I could be her pillow on the recliner. She was still sleeping, when I woke up at 6:00 a.m. I put her in the recliner, while I got ready for work, and then resumed my position as her pillow, until she took her last breath, at 6:50 a.m. I was able to hold her, stroke her, and talk to her, until she was gone. I am so grateful I was able to share her last moments.

She was a devoted companion, always there for me, never judging me, and I know she truly loved me unconditionally. I will miss her very much.